When You Think Romance is Dead - It May Surprise You

Forty-six years ago today hubby and I tied the knot -- and they said it wouldn't last!  For $100 we bought the wedding package from the Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas.  It included a chauffeur-driven limo to the courthouse to get our license, the cost of the license, the trip back to the Chapel, the chaplain, flowers, music, a witness, a cassette tape of the ceremony and pictures.  I'd say it was a good investment, wouldn't you?

Another Milestone

As a joke over the past year, I invited people to my surprise birthday party.  I knew it would never happen so I felt safe making a joke about it.  As this new decade approached, people asked me what I was doing for my birthday.  Neither my husband nor I have ever made a big deal about birthdays and I often forget them until I looked at the calendar.   When my hubby asked me what I would like to do this year as it was a 'big' one, I asked him to cook dinner for me.  He makes the best halibut cheeks and my mouth watered just thinking about them.  

When my daughter said that she and the kids were coming for a visit on my birthday weekend I was ecstatic.  That was the best present.  They were here for four glorious days.  

When Should You Get a Restart Button?

When Should You Get a Restart Button?

Many of us have read The Station by Robert J. Hastings at some point in our lives.  It never gets old or dated.  It is always a fresh message.  It always bears repeating.  It is unadulterated truth.  Read it.  Think about it.  Here is a portion:

"Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision.  We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent.  We are traveling by train.  Out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flat lands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination.  Bands will be playing and flags waving.  Once we get there our dreams will come true, and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.  How restlessly we pace aisles, cursing the minutes for loitering - waiting, waiting, waiting for the station."

How Important is Your Freedom?

Freedom: The definition of freedom can certainly mean different things to different people.  Essentially it is the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants to without restraint.  

Sometimes we are bound by circumstances out of our control.  When I was arrested I knew the officials had made a mistake and the truth would come out.  BUT.....when you are locked in a room and realize you have no rights or freedoms, your mind races and fear can overtake your thoughts.  (Read that story here)

Some people feel bound in a marriage/relationship and spend every waking moment either planning their escape or figuring out how to survive while 'incarcerated.'  Unfortunately, it is a negative state to exist in and often leads to fear, depression and even disease.  

What does for better, for worse mean?

November 24, 1997, was our 25th wedding anniversary.  Anyone who has been married that long usually has questions and reflections about their relationship.  





Over the years, there were moments when I wondered if we would make it another year.  Although our relationship was strong, the circumstances we endured over the course of those years were horrendous.  Our lives were battered, often bruised, and broken more times than I can count.  Yet, we survived.  Yes, we grew stronger.  But as some people have said, "I'd take weakness over all the struggles you had to endure to make you stronger."

When you start your life together as a couple, you concentrate on a bright future.  You talk about all the hopes and dreams you have together and individually.  When trials come, you work through them -- together.  Rarely does anyone anticipate that almost every year would bring a major trauma into your lives.  But, in our case, that is what happened. 

How Do You Survive a Broken Heart When You Lose a Child?

For those of us who have lost a child through death, the pain is like none other. Yet, there are many parents who have lost a child in another way.  Their grief and pain are no different and there is rarely any closure.






Losing a child through estrangement, there are no flowers or comfort given.  There is no service to help bring closure.  People do not rally around you and bring you meals to help you get through those days when getting out of bed and facing reality is more than you can bear. The parents are often good and loving parents who are tossed aside emotionally by their child for real or perceived shortcomings.  The child does not negotiate but merely leaves; often without an explanation.  The parents are left grieving this loss by themselves - a loss beyond any comprehension as to what happened.

How Can Dumb Criminals Get Away With It?

When you have been married for a couple decades or more, you tend to know exactly what to say and when to say it -- to your spouse. You understand how they think and also what irritates them.  You also learn when to keep your mouth shut. It may get easier over the years but there are those moments you simply must  take the plunge.

Hubby was complaining about something insignificant.  In fact, I can't even remember what it was; but after he finished, I calmly said, "Would you like to switch jobs?"

Dead Silence.  Nothing.  Then a big smile, "No, that's O K.  I've seen your job.  I don't want it. You are awesome at all you do."

Guess that's one way to draw out a compliment!

For Better, For Worse -- A Language a Dog Understands

When we think of the words "For better, for worse," we usually think of a marriage.  We say our vows on our wedding day proclaiming that we will never leave our spouse, no matter what happens.





But sometimes we don't follow through with those vows.  Sometimes, our spouse is abusive or falls out of love with us. Those words ring in our ears -- for better, for worse -- but......it may be out of our control.

When we acquire a pet, how often don't we promise to take care of that pet, for better - for worse?

We fall in love with that puppy and look forward to many years of joy with him. BUT.....sometimes....

He has genetic problems and requires special care, which can be very expensive.

He will NOT stop barking.

He bites people.

He poops in the house.

He pees in the house.

He is left alone all day and then goes crazy when his owner comes home and becomes a pest, trying to gain full-on attention.

He isn't as cute as when he was a puppy.

He has a serious accident and requires special care for the rest of his life.

He won't behave properly so he is beaten and kicked or worse.

He is destructive when left alone.

Sometimes, rather than spend the time needed to restore the relationship, we give up.....and give that dog away.

My 4-year-old Grandson has Questions about His Recent Marriage

When you live a crazy life, you should expect crazy things to happen.  When you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results, you are the crazy one.  I constantly look to the future when life will get easier, slow down a bit and then laugh out loud when I realize that may never happen.

To explain:  I have a lot of jobs, often wearing three or four hats at the same time on any given day.  This is normal for a Type A personality who is a perfectionist and believes that relaxing or sleeping is a complete waste of time.  Don't give me any lectures -- I've heard them all.  Most important thing:  I am NOT complaining. I love being busy.  

Consequently, the thought of doing this month's Fly on the Wall post seemed a bit overwhelming because so much happened in the past two months and it would be a really
l o n g post to share it all.  

View from my room

One highlight I will share with you is that I attended the Advanced Writers and Speakers Conference in Cincinnati and look forward to going back next year.  I learned so much in the workshops, made some incredible connections, made, even more, friends and got to see what it is like to live in 97-degree heat with high humidity.  

Our days were filled from early morning to late evening without time to shop or have any 'me' time -- loved it.  I certainly was not bored for one second.

I left the hotel each day to get to the closest restaurant - that was enough heat to last me until next year.  How do people live, work or BREATHE in that?

Sooooooooo........rather than bore you with all the incredible things that happened the last two months, I decided to do some snippets of the grandkids and their antics.

4-year-old grandson gets married

Can a 4-Year-Old's View of Marriage Be Enlightening?

Ever get a brand new major appliance that DID NOT work?  I was so excited to finally get a new washer and dryer operated by a computer instead of the old fashioned dials. The first day I noticed that all the bells and whistles were not functioning but assumed it was the operator, not the machine. But I soon realized that the only water temperature I was getting was HOT.

I did NOT need my jeans to shrink!  After calling Sears, they assured me it was a simple fix and a repairman would be there shortly.  I'm pretty easy going in these situations because I realize that mistakes happen; there are lemons that can be from the factory.

For the year that followed, I had three motherboards replaced and four repairmen try to fix it.  Every single time I called to find out the status of the replacement parts or when the serviceman was going to show up, I got the same response.

"I understand you are having a problem with a machine that does not fill up with water."

Each and every time I would tell them that there is no problem with the machine filling up with water -- but that NONE of the settings work and I cannot change the water temperature.

F I N A L L Y.....they agreed to replace the machine with a brand new one.  They showed up the next day and once again, I was thrilled to have a new washer -- and one that worked.

I filled the washer, turned it on and viola....it lit up like a Christmas tree.  YAY!

Three.  Minutes.  Later.  I hear 'ding' indicating the load was complete.  Clean clothes in three minutes.  This must be some kind of miracle.

I assumed I was having yet another blonde moment and needed to try it again.  Obviously, I did something wrong.  But, no, it was the exact same scenario.

I took all the clothes out, started the machine again and used a flashlight to see what was happening. The machine started with a gentle spin, then stopped, another gentle spin in the opposite direction and that was it.  Why?  BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WATER.

I knew instantly that they had given me a refurbished machine and let's just say you don't need to know what I told them -- but they are delivering a new machine tomorrow with an extended warranty -- their gift to me.  I'll keep you posted.

Get the picture?

Friends came for dinner the other night and brought their new dog, a French Poodle by the name of Mister Red.  We snapped his picture while he was sleeping on our living room carpet and when I looked at it later, I couldn't stop laughing.

Does This Make Sense To You?

I never met a dog I didn't like love.  Give me five minutes with any dog and I will create a life-long bond.  After years of rescuing dogs - over 30 so far - I can't imagine life without at least one in the house. My daughter has six at the moment - the acorn doesn't fall far....

Dogs make me laugh -- every single day.  When you learn to speak 'dog' they will tell you what you want to hear -- "I love you.  I have always loved you.  I will always love you.  Nothing else matters."

A bachelor friend of ours loves dogs as much as we do and has always maintained it is easier to date a woman and come home to his four-legged furry friend than to be married.  WHAT?

Admit it -- I bet some of you have thought that.   And here are some reasons why.......

1.  The later you come home, the more excited the dog is to see you.  You don't have to have an excuse or an explanation.  Giving a dog a pat on the head and a treat will make them forget you were ever gone at all.

Nayla, Rocky, Charlie (in diaper) and Kei

2.  Dogs don't care if you call them by another name.  They probably won't even notice.   The tone of your voice tells them you care about them above any other dog.  And if food is part of the equation.....nothing else matters.


3.  Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.  They don't care if the house is tidy or if you left your dirty underwear on the floor.  In fact, they like it.

4.  A dog's parents NEVER visit.  'Nuf said.

Do You Have It All? Are You Happy?

If someone were to ask you if you 'have it all'  or "How happy are you?" do you know how you would answer?  Would you answer quickly with "Of course, I'm happy"  or would you think about it for a moment and then say "Yes, I am as happy as I could hope to be."

There are actual Happiness Quizzes you can take online which were developed by psychologists to help you determine your state of mind.  Personally, I don't need to take a quiz to read my happiness thermometer.  

Even when we go through dark times we can focus on the good in our lives; things we are grateful for, and look to better times ahead. The 'attitude of gratitude' buzz on the internet over the past couple years has certainly made more people aware that we need to daily remind ourselves of what is good and positive in our lives.

How do I Love You? A Grateful Husband's Letter

Babe:

I watch you and I wonder what I ever did to deserve you.  I wonder why you have never left me. I wonder....

When I met you, I wasn't too impressed.  You were beautiful but had far more electrical energy than I was used to - nor necessarily wanted to be around.  I wanted kids and you didn't seem the type; much more interested in your career.  Yet still...... I watched you.

We often double dated and I began to enjoy your company from afar. Although it shocked me, I soon realized I was liking you more - no, I was liking you a lot!

I'm a quiet guy who thinks seriously before speaking and usually has all possible scenarios figured out before approaching a challenging situation.  But I felt it was in the stars and as alien as it was to me, I knew what I had to do.

It was a Tuesday afternoon.  You would be home from work around 5:30.  Knowing you would recognize my car; I parked down the street and walked to the back door of your house.  Was it because I wanted to escape in case I changed my mind?   For some reason, I wanted this to be a surprise.   I heard music inside and tried the doorknob. It was open.  Perky started barking but quickly settled onto my lap. What was only minutes felt like hours.  My hands were sweaty.  I was nervously tapping my foot to the music wondering if I was absolutely crazy for doing this.  What if you got angry?  Should I leave or should I go?

It was too late; I heard your car pull into the driveway.  You walked in with grocery bags in tow and uneasily said "Hi?"

That day was the beginning of something wonderful but also something that I could never have survived without you.  The full heart-warming story of Love at First Sight is here.

Later......

After almost half a century together, you have been and continue to be my tower of strength, my encourager, my support.

I convinced you to leave your roots, your home, your family and move 3,000 miles away so I could live by the ocean.  I loved the water and needed to be close to it.  I knew you would grow to love it as well.

When we found out we could never have children but were able to adopt our son, you were there to convince me we would survive his loss, one year later.  You stood behind the airport pillar, watching me with tears running down your cheeks as I handed our son to a stranger.  After loving our son for a full year, the mother who tossed him aside now wanted him back. We had no choice.  We had to let him go.  You stayed strong believing we would have another child to love.  That tear jerking story here.

Love at First Sight - Can it Last?

I saw him on the other side of the rink and wondered how to approach him.   He had been the guest speaker at my church that Sunday; I was smitten.  

It was announced there would be a roller skating party for the youth on Saturday night and I attended in hopes he would be there.  He seemed quiet and reserved.  I was all over-the-place bubbly but I was drawn to him.

Eventually I got up the nerve to skate a little closer to him and say "Hi, I'm Carol."  He smiled, nodded and sped off.  

Did I say too much?  Did I scare him off?  What was it about this guy I found so appealing? He was in his twenties and balding but extremely good looking with the biggest, softest brown eyes.

A Friend Indeed

Blogging has opened a new world of friendship.  People we would never have met in any other way have become dear friends in this new world.  One of my new, dear and beautiful friends is Inderpreet Kaur Uppal.  She is a freelance writer, blogger, editor and lecturer.  She has a Masters Degree in Human Resources Management and loves to read, travel, discuss and write.  Please connect with her at her blog,  Eloquent Articulation,  and read her wonderful posts there.  

Today she is Guest Posting for me on the subject of marriage.  She lives in India - a half world away - in a totally different culture. Yet, we hold the same sentiments dear when it comes to family, relationships and marriage.  Here are her thoughts on marriage:

The Cops Called and Left A Message

"This is Officer Colt and I would appreciate it if you would contact me as soon as possible."  That was the message left on a Friday afternoon.  What is the first thing that runs through your mind when a cop calls and leaves a message? 

"What's wrong?"  "Who's in trouble?"  "Who is in the hospital?"  Of course I called right back but I would have to speak directly with Officer Colt and he was out of the office until Tuesday.  Every negative scenario I could think of terrified me.  At dinner I asked my husband, "Do you have a bunch of parking tickets you threw away?"  "NO!" That's good...... I guess.  I still didn't know what was wrong and it drove me nuts all weekend.

One Woman Can Make a Difference

I have been thinking of women in general and all the contributions to various aspects of society by influential women around the world.  I thought about women who had made an impact on my life; as a child, a young woman and midlife.

I realized I needed to focus on one woman who had a great influence on my life for over three decades.

I May Be A Small Dog - But I Dream Big

I come from strong stock.  I may be small in stature but I have always dreamed big.  When I dream, it is not only what I think about when I am awake, but also when I am asleep.  If I set my mind to something, you better believe that I will do it.  I am a very determined character.

Dreams Do Come True

Even when I was very young, I knew that I wanted to be a husband and father and I never gave up hope that I would meet the perfect girl.  When I laid eyes on that Mexican senorita, I knew she was the one for me. She did not disappoint and we were able to raise a family together.