Saturday, November 13, 2021

Do You Wanna Know A Secret? Do You Promise Not To Tell?

Secret

Do you have secrets that you plan to take to the grave?  Are there things in your past that you want to bury and hope no one ever finds out about them?

Everyone has secrets. My mother-in-law had an undisclosed recipe for Rum Balls that she swore she would take with her when she died. And that she did. No one ever figured out her secret ingredient. But what good did it do for her not to share it so we could continue to enjoy her wonderful dessert?


Secret

There are secrets we hide, never discuss, and hope no one ever finds out. We keep secrets to protect those we love or to prevent people from thinking less of us.

Sometimes we keep secrets because we would be too ashamed to admit the truth. We may even lie to keep up the facade. "No, I would never do that!" When, in fact, we did.

 

Shhh

Maybe we found out something about someone that could destroy them if the truth came out. We choose to keep that knowledge to ourselves. At times, it may feel like it is burning a hole in our psyche because we want to share it -- but we don't. Or do we? Are you someone your friends can trust to keep their secret? Or will you reveal it if you feel it is necessary?  

Maybe we have a bad habit who was told by our doctor that we MUST quit. We continue to do it, hoping no one will discover the truth and we rationalize and lie to ourselves that it is only hurting us. But when we are hiding things that can potentially hurt us, we hurt those who love us. We assume it is no one's business when, in fact, it could be unfair to keep such a secret to ourselves. When discovered, it could hurt the ones we care about.  

 

Secret

Have you ever told someone a secret and then wish you had not?  I remember sharing a secret with a counselor who later told the entire group, using me as an example. I was mortified and he had no authority to do that - but it was too late. Sometimes, we don't share for that reason - we cannot fully trust the person to whom we are revealing our innermost mysteries.

Battered Hope


Or is there something we did in our past that we believe would destroy our image if anyone found out?  I certainly felt this way for a lot of years. I struggled with writing my memoir Battered Hope because I knew I had to "come clean." I had to let go of the secrets that terrified me. I had to take a stand against the fear of losing friends and family members when they found out the truth.

So, why did I do it? The biggest reason was that my "secrets" and how I coped with them could be a great help to someone going through something similar.  

I discovered that when I revealed the things I wanted to bury I had tremendous relief. It helped people understand why I am the way I am or why I rise to the defense of someone going through something similar. It brought me closer to family and friends when they saw my vulnerable side.

How do you feel about revealing your secrets?  Do you wish you could but feel the truth may hurt someone or yourself?

15 comments :

  1. Thanks for sharing about your journey. I am glad that your difficult writing brought you relief and understanding. I tend to be pretty private as I have had too many experiences of people sharing what I've told them with checking first. But I have been lucky in my life and am not struggling with major hidden traumas. I am grateful. I still appreciate keeping things to myself if I choose and am very good about not telling stories that are not mine to share.

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  2. Carol, I am so glad you worked through your difficult memories to get the book written and published! Secrets-- I have several times been shocked at people apparently *forgetting* that something was supposed to be a secret, and blithely referring to it at a social occasion! I have also had my journals violated several times, so I no longer keep an obvious journal; two different men went into my computer to find my journals in the past, read what was there, and made a point of commenting on it! So important to prove how smart they were! Yes, I got rid of each of them. I'm sure one of the things you've learned, in telling your stories, is how many have similar stories. I do hope that comforts you.

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    1. You are soooo right. And yes, my whole life changed when I shared my memoir as it opened a whole new career.

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  3. Working in HR you hear a lot of confidential stuff, I guess you could call then secrets, so while some of them would be quite juicy to share, I will never do it, and I think the people who trusted me know this.
    On the other hand I have been disappointed - by a former supervisor that liked to call herself HR director. When I was only 4 or 5 weeks pregnant, there was a situation I felt I *owed* it to her to me honest and tell her upfront so she didn't make all these plans and budgets I would not be involved in next year. I distinctly remember asking her to keep it a secret since I was anxious about miscarriage. Plus I wanted to tell my coworkers on my own terms and timing.
    That b**** waisted no time to tell everyone on the team. I still don't get it. I mean, everything ended up going well with my baby, but I still think it's unacceptable.

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  4. Did you ever confront her about it? That was just rude and so unkind!

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    1. Yes, she smiled and said "well, they were eventually gonna find out anyway, right?"

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  5. Danny is the only person I truly trust with my secrets. I'm glad that you were able to unburden yours in that marvelous book of yours.
    Blessings, Carol!

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    1. But there are many I did not share. My editor warned me as it would be too much for most readers to handle :(

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  6. The example of not telling what is in a recipe seems benign, at first, but I've always (secretly) thought was a selfish thing to withhold. If it gives people pleasure, then it's the right thing to do.

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    1. I agree -- I tried to get it out of her but NOPE. And why???

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  7. Sometimes secrets are good to share but other times it's best to keep them to yourself especially if you want to keep it from getting out. What memories you shared and I feel that will help others in their struggles.

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    1. Thank you -- it has helped so many and pole-vaulted my career as a speaker and talk show host.

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  8. I think you should never share secret with anybody, have patience and let the time flow to settle down.

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  9. Only tell the ones you love and trust!

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