Is It True that Time Heals All Wounds?

Who is the one person in your life you never thought would walk away....and then they did?  How did you handle it?  

That was the question posed to me for this month's writing challenge.  Immediately, a flood of emotions and memories almost overcame me.  

 Does time heal all wounds?  

These scars can be reopened by triggers and often are unexpected.  Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, a memory, a person from the past can all trigger the emotion that is still raw - no matter how much time has passed.  This creates a feeling of hopelessness - knowing there is nothing you can do to change it.

How Do You Survive a Broken Heart When You Lose a Child?

For those of us who have lost a child through death, the pain is like none other. Yet, there are many parents who have lost a child in another way.  Their grief and pain are no different and there is rarely any closure.






Losing a child through estrangement, there are no flowers or comfort given.  There is no service to help bring closure.  People do not rally around you and bring you meals to help you get through those days when getting out of bed and facing reality is more than you can bear. The parents are often good and loving parents who are tossed aside emotionally by their child for real or perceived shortcomings.  The child does not negotiate but merely leaves; often without an explanation.  The parents are left grieving this loss by themselves - a loss beyond any comprehension as to what happened.

How to Push Through a Painful Experience

When we go through any type of trauma in our lives, it affects us. How it affects us can be either a negative or positive experience. Hopefully, we can learn from the experience and apply what we learned if we ever go through a similar one again. But, that is often easier said than done, isn't it?

Sometimes we do not realize we have "been here before" until it's over. Pain works that way.  Pain is just that - PAIN.  When we are in the middle of it, it feels like a new experience.  Yet, it rarely is.

There are many types of pain that we experience in life.  There are times when we are blindsided and experience pain on a level we had not realized we were capable of handling.  When we look back at those experiences we often wonder how we made it through -- but we did.  And we are stronger for it.
Pain takes on many forms in your life.  Rejection, loss, physical or emotional trauma, abuse, divorce, the list goes on.

Birth Is Not For the Weak

All of us have days we will never forget.  Sometimes these memories are worth remembering and other times we wish we could forget them.  Last Sunday was a day that will be etched into my memory bank forever.  Not only for the course of events that day but the observations I made regarding human behavior, especially of young children.

I have been forever proud of my daughter, Rochelle, and that pride grows the more I observe her as a mother of two small children and caregiver to her many pets.

Rochelle's husband works in the arctic north and is gone weeks at a stretch.  They live on a hobby farm that includes livestock and five dogs.  She has rescued animals from abusive situations since she was a young girl and has become educated in the art of nurturing these creatures back to health through sheer hands-on experiences.

Two years ago, Rochelle rescued a Bernese Mountain dog who had been living in a kennel too small for her 80-pound body.  The dog had zero knowledge of boundaries, boundless energy and was not the sharpest tool in the shed.  But she was one of the happiest dogs you could ever meet.  She loved everyone and showed it with kisses that were not necessarily welcomed.  My grandson adopted her as 'his' dog and named her "Charrrrrrlie."

Although she weighed 80 pounds, she was still a puppy and had 'accidents.'  One time she had to pee and not making it to the front door in time,  she peed in the kitchen while shaking her large frame shooting pee across the room and spraying everyone and everything within close vicinity.

At the time she was also in heat and couldn't be left outside without supervision. Because she was in heat, Rochelle put a pair of men's underwear on her. She tied Charlie up to the bedpost while cleaning the mess only to turn around to find her standing there with her leash in her mouth.  She had gnawed through it in the course of a few minutes.  The underwear was twisted around her ankles.  You couldn't help but love this hilarious dog.  She's the one in diapers below:

How Do You Say Goodbye to Your Furry Friend of 13 years

Each day we live with our furry friends, we love them more. Every day we grow to appreciate them more. Yet, in the back of our minds, we are fully aware that they have a short lifespan compared to ours and that the day will come when we need to say goodbye. It is never easy. No matter how many times we have to go through it, it never gets easier.

I have been rescuing dogs for many years and also have adopted some who have not been abused. Louis Vuitton was one of those. He came into our lives when he was a puppy. He was a gift to our daughter, Rochelle, for her 17th. birthday. The young man who gave Louie to Rohelle is now our son-in-law. She and her hubby have also rescued numerous dogs. I have shared many of their stories here. When Louie came into our lives, we had our beloved black Lab, Mercedez. Louie adored Mercedez as he did all the rescues we brought home.

A Tribute to my Daughter - Happy Mother's Day

I wish I had words to describe my love and admiration for my daughter. I try -- but come up short. I have watched her survive much trauma in her young life and she never complains. She was a little girl when her father was in a serious car accident, leaving him disabled. She did everything she could to help me, encourage me and make me laugh. She was strong and a wealth of support for her mom. She has lost friends to cancer and suicide but is always the first one to console those around her.  She has lost much and endured immeasurable pain.  She is always first to offer a helping hand.  She lost her brother when he chose to walk away from our family four years ago and broke our hearts.

My daughter on the left.  Her daughter on the right.

I now watch her as a young mother and am overcome with emotion as she is a pillar of strength. She was born to be a mother. Almost losing her little son at birth, she stayed strong in her faith and he survived miraculously. But before he was a year old he contracted a very rare bacterial infection, had to undergo surgery only a handful have ever survived.  Shortly thereafter, the load was almost unbearable when she lost her second baby in utereo, yet she managed to be a source of strength for her family. Then her little girl had to fight an uphill battle to come into the world.

I watch her raise her children with a love and strength only a mother who has endured much heartache could comprehend. I consistently hear comments from friends, associates and even strangers who say they rarely see such incredible, polite, kind and gentle children. They have a mom who teaches them beyond their years.  Even though her son is only four years old, he has learned how to respect his parents, teachers, and peers.  He adores his baby sister, never tires of taking care of her and helps his mom in any way he is capable. 

When I need a friend.  When I need advice.  She has a unique perception and ability to see situations with resolution.  Every. Time.

She is my rock.

It is the strong women, the ones who give of themselves until they have nothing left to give – these are the women we need to applaud.  These are the women we need to rally around and cheer, returning the strength and love they so freely give to others. 

My beloved daughter – a mother who stands head and shoulders above – in any crowd.  

What if Someone You Loved Went to Prison?

The gavel came down!  "Five years!"  How did my husband land in jail? I didn’t know any criminals. He was NOT a miscreant. I didn’t even know people who lived on the edge. What were we going to do?

I had no income and the lawyer informed us that Paul would be paid forty-nine cents a day during his incarceration. Actually, I didn't expect he would get anything, but, forty-nine cents a day? That was only $15 a month to pay for things like his toothpaste, chocolate bars, etc. Paul said he would send his entire check home to me. I laughed and cried at the same time. I did not know if I would cash it or frame it.

They sent him to Oakalla Prison. I knew he was going to jail but I had no idea it would be to such a hard-core place. Even so, I expected some form of cleanliness and order. I expected to see some normal looking people. I was so wrong! On the way to the prison, Paul's mother and I were confronted with a sign on the wall explaining what to expect.

It stated that a physical search of all visitors would be made by patting the body with the hands and often by exploring bodily orifices in an attempt to find concealed weapons, explosives, drugs or other contraband. 

Does Your Life Have a Restart Button?

A question was recently posed to me that I believe many of us have wondered about: 

In Stephen King's 11/22/63, the protagonist is asked to travel back in time to prevent JFK's assassination. If given the opportunity, what event in your own life or in history might you travel in time to change and what would your life afterward look like?

I must admit that I laughed out loud when I read this because I have had major traumas in my life and it would require me to live my life entirely over if I wanted to change even one of them.

Let's break it down a bit:  

1)  I  would not have married the man my parents and family warned me against.  If I had not married him then my life would have been a lot easier after the divorce.  I would not have been gang-raped and left for dead.  I would not have had my home completely destroyed by a gang of vandals.  I would not have had an emotional and physical breakdown.  

Even on that day, I was hiding my pain - knowing it was a mistake

Return the Child - He Is Not Yours to Keep

I stood there...exhausted.  Staring at nothing in particular and everything in general.  It was all a blur; fuzzy, like my thoughts.

Shock does that.  Moments earlier I held my infant son in my arms, cradling him, cuddling him.  Now my arms were empty.  The ache in my heart was like none I had ever experienced.  It only exaggerated the pain in my empty arms. No one could ever take that pain away except my son - back where he belonged.

And Yet....You Walked Away

You were so tiny. My firstborn. My son.  Adopting a baby required an extensive amount of soul searching.  There was no doubt.  Our prayers were answered when she placed you in my arms.  My baby.  And yet....you walked away.

Sorry But Your Husband Has Irreversible Brain Damage

I remember the first time I heard those words.  It was unexpected.  "We're sorry but there is nothing more we can do."

Doctors are supposed to fix what ails you.  In my twenties, I was told I had two years to live if I didn't have a hysterectomy.  It is 40 years later and I'm still here.  I had a baby.  So, even though these words about my husband were terrifying, I knew there had to be another way.  I'd find the answer. We could fix him.  Click here for that story.

In 1995 my husband was waiting in an intersection to make a left-hand turn.  The guy in the big truck making a left-hand turn from the opposite direction.... didn't see him and hit him head-on.  He blamed the sun. 

 

Mother's Day Pity Party

It is Mother's Day today.  I decided to throw myself a pity party.  Why was I so sad today?  My mom died when I was 18.  But that was a long time ago, so that isn't why I was in self-pity.  My son and his family walked away from our family almost two years ago - without a word.  That is still heartbreaking but I'm getting better.  So, that wasn't it either.  So, why was I feeling so sorry for myself?

My hubby was going to take me to the big city today.  We were going to visit friends, go to a Mother's Day Tea and then out for dinner.  It would be fun, uplifting and help mask some of the past hurts.  Up at 4:15 this morning, so that we could catch the early ferry, I woke him at 5.  "I can't make it.  My pain level is over the top.  I'm sorry."

Free Your Mind Now

No more pain.  No more tears.  No more worry.  No more stress. No more let-downs.  No more discouragements.  No more anxiety. No more bad news.  No more.

It's over.  I'm done.  I can't go on that way any longer.

It's a new day.  I will now live in hope.  In anticipation of good things.  

Turning my back on the past and concentrating on the future. Looking ahead instead of behind.  

Can I stay here?  Will I be pulled back?  

I must be strong.  I must focus.  I can do it.  I must.

Will you help me?

This was a 100 word challenge to write precisely 100 words without thinking - Free Your Mind

Photo courtesy of Flickr.com

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Losing a Child? Does the Pain Ever Stop?

"I am getting pressure from my family.  I need to have my son back."  I fell into my chair not believing what I was hearing.  We had our son since he was three days old and now a year later, she was asking for him back.  Our lawyer said "Give him back."  Words that will resonate fear and pain forever.

When I wrote my memoir, Battered Hope, one of the many traumas I share is losing our young son and the pain that penetrated like none other.  Then a year later, we adopted another little boy and his mother changed her mind before we ever got to hold him. I knew I was going to be a mommy but my hope was withering. 

I'm Throwing a Pity Party For You and Everyone is Invited

Stressed. Hopelessness. Grief. Fear. Depressed. Hurt. Pain. Sadness. Overwhelmed. Tired. Angry.

How often have we experienced one of these emotions or any similar ones and felt we had to hide it from everyone?

Or what about this scenario? You are having one of your worst days in a long time and someone asks you how you are doing. In that split second you vacillate between “Should I tell them?” or “I wish they would go away.”

I remember being so good at hiding my pain that I answered that question with another question – “How are YOU?” It threw the conversation totally on them and they didn't even realize I never answered them.

I threw many pity parties during those years and no one ever showed up. After overcoming insurmountable hardships, I look back and wish I had had someone to share with, someone who would not judge me.

So …..... For those of you out there that need a chance to vent or to share your pain or whatever is bothering you......... Tell me, a stranger, how do you feel today? Sometimes it is a lot easier to talk to someone whom you have never met.

I'm a great listener and who knows, I may have been down a similar path and can empathize. If you want to share but don't want to do it publicly – just email me. I respond to all emails.

I would love to hear from you.

Pictures are courtesy of Chronic Curve and Sometimes Andrea Writes - Someecards

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