Thursday, June 11, 2015

How do I Love You? A Grateful Husband's Letter


I watch you and I wonder what I ever did to deserve you.  I wonder why you have never left me. I wonder....

When I met you, I wasn't too impressed.  You were beautiful but had far more electrical energy than I was used to - nor necessarily wanted to be around.  I wanted kids and you didn't seem the type; much more interested in your career.  Yet still...... I watched you.

We often double dated and I began to enjoy your company from afar. Although it shocked me, I soon realized I was liking you more - no, I was liking you a lot!

I'm a quiet guy who thinks seriously before speaking and usually has all possible scenarios figured out before approaching a challenging situation.  But I felt it was in the stars and as alien as it was to me, I knew what I had to do.
love at first sight, husband, marriage

It was a Tuesday afternoon.  You would be home from work around 5:30.  Knowing you would recognize my car; I parked down the street and walked to the back door of your house.  Was it because I wanted to escape in case I changed my mind?   For some reason, I wanted this to be a surprise.   I heard music inside and tried the doorknob. It was open.  Perky started barking but quickly settled onto my lap. What was only minutes felt like hours.  My hands were sweaty.  I was nervously tapping my foot to the music wondering if I was absolutely crazy for doing this.  What if you got angry?  Should I leave or should I go?

It was too late; I heard your car pull into the driveway.  You walked in with grocery bags in tow and uneasily said "Hi?"

That day was the beginning of something wonderful but also something that I could never have survived without you.  The full heart-warming story of Love at First Sight is here.


After almost half a century together, you have been and continue to be my tower of strength, my encourager, my support.

I convinced you to leave your roots, your home, your family and move 3,000 miles away so I could live by the ocean.  I loved the water and needed to be close to it.  I knew you would grow to love it as well.

When we found out we could never have children but were able to adopt our son, you were there to convince me we would survive his loss, one year later.  You stood behind the airport pillar, watching me with tears running down your cheeks as I handed our son to a stranger.  After loving our son for a full year, the mother who tossed him aside now wanted him back. We had no choice.  We had to let him go.  You stayed strong believing we would have another child to love.  That tear jerking story here.
adoption, loss of child

When our beautiful home was completely destroyed, you picked up the pieces and assured me we could start over.

When our business partners stole our business including everything we owned and worked for all those years, you said "We've been through worse; we'll make it through this too."

When I was at death's door for six weeks in China with no communication outside of the village, you were comforting our children.  When the authorities told you they could not find me, you never gave up hope and told them "Daddy will be home soon, I promise."

For fourteen years I watched you after you received the cancer diagnosis.  You never wavered in your belief that you would one day bare a child.  I held your hand when our little girl arrived six weeks early with several possible complications.  You reminded the nurses that everything was going to be perfect just as you had done throughout your hospital stay of several months.  Your story of being a victor and not a victim here.

When I was arrested and imprisoned you stood firm, never doubting me.  You waited -- you stayed. That story will make you angry but wanting to hear more is here.  
arrested, true love

When I was in the car accident 25 years ago that left me with brain damage and disabled, you spoon fed and nurtured me for the six years I could not help myself.  That story here.  

Three years ago when our son and family walked away from all of us, I watched a piece of you die.  I thought it would destroy you.  But after all your tears and anger, you began a campaign of "He will come back.  I will never give up hope."  You helped me work through the pain.  The beautiful letter you wrote him is here.

Because of the disability, when  I am not able to go to the office, you work on my behalf, putting your commitments on hold.  You assure me,  "It will be fine; I'll take care of it."

I watch you work several jobs, tend to me and the house, cook incredible meals and have energy to spare.  It's unadulterated art.

You do not pity or patronize me.  You do not treat me like an invalid.  You just...... love me.

I watch you when you leave for your book selling tours, and I take joy in your excitement knowing that many lives will be touched when you share your story.  How I would love to be by your side. How I would love to help you.  You know my limitations and never ask more of me than what I am able to give.  You never complain.

If our children, grandchildren, a friend or neighbor needs help, you never hesitate to attend to their needs.  If someone needs to cry or vent, you are there to listen and never pass judgment.

How could I not love you?

I watch you and I wonder.....why do you love me?

Forever and beyond,


Photos courtesy of

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