Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day Pity Party

It is Mother's Day today.  I decided to throw myself a pity party.  Why was I so sad today?  My mom died when I was 18.  But that was a long time ago, so that isn't why I was in self-pity.  My son and his family walked away from our family almost two years ago - without a word.  That is still heartbreaking but I'm getting better.  So, that wasn't it either.  So, why was I feeling so sorry for myself?

@BatteredHope #pain #pity   Mother's Day pity party

My hubby was going to take me to the big city today.  We were going to visit friends, go to a Mother's Day Tea and then out for dinner.  It would be fun, uplifting and help mask some of the past hurts.  Up at 4:15 this morning, so that we could catch the early ferry, I woke him at 5.  "I can't make it.  My pain level is over the top.  I'm sorry."

Twenty plus years ago he was in a car accident and suffered a brain injury.  This has left him with chronic pain; some days worse than others.

Is one day a year too much to ask?

Ah, that was it.  Now, I realized why I threw myself the pity party.  This was supposed to be MY day.  One day a year when it was about ME.  One day a year when I was supposed to get pampered.  One day, I didn't have to cook.  Why couldn't I have this one day?  It wasn't fair. 

I found the Mother's Day card he had set aside for me.  It spoke of how much he appreciated all that I have tolerated over the years.  Thanking me for being patient and understanding, loving and forgiving. 

I began to cry.  How could I be so thoughtless?  I was healthy and not in pain.  I could do whatever I wanted to do and go wherever I wanted to go.  I was not held back by a disability.  How shallow of me.

Then I realized that is what mothers are all about.  Always giving of themselves.  Always putting the needs of their family first.  Always being there to encourage, to help, to hold. 
@BatteredHope #mother'sday No pity party here

The best Mother's Day gift
So my Mother's Day gift was the wonderful realization that I have been graced with patience and love and forgiveness instead of bitterness and remorse.  Why should this day be any different than any other? 

Every day I am given the gift of life.  Every day I watch my daughter and son-in-law raise their son in a way that would make any mother proud.  Every day I thank God for the love we all have for one another. 

It's not about me -- it is about what I can offer those who need what I have to give. 

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