Is It True that Time Heals All Wounds?

Who is the one person in your life you never thought would walk away....and then they did?  How did you handle it?  

That was the question posed to me for this month's writing challenge.  Immediately, a flood of emotions and memories almost overcame me.  

 Does time heal all wounds?  

These scars can be reopened by triggers and often are unexpected.  Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, a memory, a person from the past can all trigger the emotion that is still raw - no matter how much time has passed.  This creates a feeling of hopelessness - knowing there is nothing you can do to change it.

Our son walked away from us nine years ago, along with his wife and two little boys.  We never found out why.  Through the grapevine, we hear bits and pieces about his life.  He now has two little girls.  My heart and arms are empty as they long to embrace those little ones.  

Last week, when stopping at a red light, I saw him.  He was carrying a beautiful little girl with long curly hair.  My heart skipped a beat and then raced.  How I wanted to toot the horn and wave -- my fingers were glued to the steering wheel. Alerting him of my presence would solve nothing.  I would cry my tears and push the feeling away.  Telling the rest of the family would only hurt them, so I kept silent and attempted to soothe my pain by choosing not to think about it.

Nine years ago -- How is that possible?

You were so tiny. My firstborn. My son. Adopting a baby required an extensive amount of soul searching. There was no doubt. Our prayers were answered when the agency placed you in my arms. My baby.  And yet, years later….you walked away.

When you were six months old, the adoption judge asked if we were committed for life – not a year or twenty years — but for life. We wholeheartedly agreed.  And yet…..you walked away.

Taking your first step straight into my arms, you wrapped yours around my neck, so proud of yourself, maybe a little scared.  You always felt safe with your mommy.  And yet….you walked away.

Falling off your bike you came running to Mommy to help ease the pain.  You knew I would always be there to make you feel better.  And yet….you walked away.

When a mouse ran across the floor and scared me, you caught him and put him outside, protecting me.  You said you would always protect me.  And yet….you walked away.

Being bullied at school and sharing those woes with me, you needed my comfort and support. You knew I would be there to guide you and give you the wisdom you needed.  And yet….you walked away.

Coming home several hours past curfew, finding me waiting for you, worried and praying for your safety, you apologized. And yet….you walked away.

Finding the girl of your dreams and asking for my blessing on your marriage, I gave it without reservation.  And yet….you walked away.

Placing your firstborn son into my arms, with tears rolling down your cheeks, you asked forgiveness for all the times you rebelled or were ungrateful for my love. And yet….you walked away.

Placing your second son into my arms, with joy flooding your heart, you laughed because now I had two little ones to love. And yet….you walked away.

Listening to your concerns and struggles, offering love and advice, you were so appreciative. And yet….you walked away.

Hiring both you and your wife when times were difficult, you repeatedly told us how grateful you were for the jobs.  And yet….you walked away.

Every day when you called me, you ended the conversation with, “Love you, mommy.” Yes, you still called me that. And yet….you walked away.

At our fortieth wedding anniversary party, you shared how much you loved us and appreciated how we welcomed your wife into our lives. And yet….three days later….you walked away and took your family with you.

“Have a nice life,” were the last words you spoke to us on that awful day, nine years ago.  We still don't know why.  It remains an unsolved mystery.  A part of is died that day.  Our hearts shattered into pieces.

Four of you vanished from our lives, in one fleeting moment. Our hearts have been pierced with four wounds that only your return can heal.

When you walk past our business, head down, not even looking in the window, my heart breaks a little more. Once you glanced up, I waved - but you quickly looked away. 

I will never give up hope. I will never stop believing that one day you will come back. In my mind’s eye and in my heart I see you embracing me.

I will not question you. I will always love you.  I forgive you.

Please walk back home.  I am waiting for you - my beloved son.