Friday, April 15, 2016

When You Least Expect It -- And It's Bad News

Ever feel like someone hit you with a baseball bat?  Right across the gut? Hard. Bad news can often affect us like that.  It hurts.  Deep.

In recent years, I wonder what is wrong with me when something traumatic happens in my life. I don't handle it as well as in the past. Does aging force me to deal with things differently than when I was younger? Does age make it more difficult to deal with stress?

People who have read my memoir, Battered Hope, comment on how strong I was to endure all the situations I encountered in my life. It seems to have been non-ending; and when I think things are starting to turn around, something happens that almost sends me over the edge. Again.

Yesterday was one of those days.  

When I share my story publically many people from every walk of life relate because my life's negative experiences are so broad - covering everything from cancer to rape, to complete financial ruin, to the loss of a son.  I know that my own pain has been an encouragement to many because it gives strength to those who do not think they can make it through another moment.  

Although I have stayed sturdy and been tenacious in the fight to turn things around for the better, nonetheless, it is a battle. I know what it is to be battle weary.  You feel you cannot go through another setback and terrible thoughts try to pave their way into your being. These feelings appear reasonable and valid.  Then you begin to realize they are based on emotion and are jumping from one pessimistic scenario to the next.

It takes all my strength to wage war against the enemy which takes on many forms in my mind.  My thoughts try to consume me and my energy levels wane.  I want to take a nap and never wake up.  I just want it to go away....forever.

Sleep is not an option.  You stare at the ceiling like a hawk stares at its prey.  But you lack the ability to stop staring and imagining the worst.  

I will not stay here forever.  But I have to process my grief.  I have to go through the steps ranging from anger to denial.  As you may have heard me often say, "When you buy the thought, you buy the lie."  I must keep that perspective.

What about you?  How do you process devastating news?

When I got the news yesterday, I wanted to cancel this Use Your Words challenge.  I could not think clearly enough to form a story around the words given to me this month. But, I started to type and fortunately, the words came.

I hope you will take a moment to look at the other blogger's use of their words in this challenge.  It is always interesting to see the direction they take with their words.  My words  valid ~ hawk ~ baseball ~ jumping ~ naps ~ spectacular were submitted to me by Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

Baking In A Tornado
Southern Belle Charm
Not That Sarah Michelle
Spatulas on Parage
The Angrivated Mom
The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Someone Else's Genius
Confessions of a part-time working mom
My Brain on Kids
The Bergham Chronicles          

Photos courtesy of linkedin,

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