Monday, April 11, 2016

Do You Believe What Someone Says to You?

How do you feel about people who lie to you?  I don't mean the big lies -- just those tiny ones that don't really seem to matter.  Or do they?  Saying things we really do not mean is often more of a habit than an intention to hurt someone.

"I'll be in touch."  If I tell someone I am going to stay in contact with them, I make a note of it right then and there.  Sometimes it means sending them a quick email to see when we can get together or to see what's new in their lives.  Making the friendly gesture is only the first step.  Keeping in touch is quite another.

I have heard those words so often and then wonder why they never call.  Did they forget?  Do they not care?  It reminds me of the phrase from the second (or first) date "I'll call you."  You know they don't have the slightest intention of calling so WHY waste breath by saying they will?  Is it to appease the listener at the moment?  It is just as easy to say "Goodbye" as it is to say you will be in touch.

"Call me if you need me." For most of us, it is not easy to ask for help.  But if you need it, it is nice to know there is someone you can call. If they don't return the call, I can try again and if that fails, believe me, it is quite safe to assume that person is avoiding me.  Let it go.

"You look great!"  Didn't wash my hair in a couple days, ran to the grocery store sans makeup.  Come on, are you blind? Say nothing -- let me wonder if I look good or not.  I think people often say that to us as we age and then later they say, "She/he sure looks good," as they look at them in the coffin.

"Our thoughts and prayers are with you."  When this is genuine, it is sincerely appreciated often is it?  Talked to my girlfriend about this one the other day and she agrees that if we say that to someone, pray for them right then and there.  If someone bears their soul to me, they need to know I will follow through and encourage them.  I will make every effort to call them, stay in touch, pray with them over the phone and do whatever it takes to make them realize they are not alone and I really did mean those words.

"Don't worry, be happy."  This one makes my skin crawl.   It is something I cannot bring myself to say to anyone.  It is so empty and insinuates that if I am worrying, I can't be happy. I know many people, including myself, who have gone through unbelievable circumstances with their heads held high.  My attitude is a choice and I can choose to put on a happy front and meet challenges head on -- but deep down I may be worried out of my skull. I am fully aware that worry accomplishes little to nothing and that 95% of what we worry about never happens. But it is like a slap in the face for anyone to tell me to be happy - when I may be in the middle of a crisis.  That does not mean that I have to be miserable while I am processing whatever is going on.  Does that make sense?

This is the image I prefer to portray -- no one needs to know I am worrying......

Have I become calloused or am I not as naive anymore?  I was taught and also taught my children to be a person of their word.  If I say I am going to do something, gosh dang it -- I do it.  If for some reason I can't, then I let that person know - I face it.  Much easier in the long run.

Do you agree?  Do you know of other things we say that we really don't mean?

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