It is Mother's Day today. I decided to throw myself a pity party. Why was I so sad today? My mom died when I was 18. But that was a long time ago, so that isn't why I was in self-pity. My son and his family walked away from our family almost two years ago - without a word. That is still heartbreaking but I'm getting better. So, that wasn't it either. So, why was I feeling so sorry for myself?
My hubby was going to take me to the big city today. We were going to visit friends, go to a Mother's Day Tea and then out for dinner. It would be fun, uplifting and help mask some of the past hurts. Up at 4:15 this morning, so that we could catch the early ferry, I woke him at 5. "I can't make it. My pain level is over the top. I'm sorry."
Twenty plus years ago he was in a car accident and suffered a brain injury. This has left him with chronic pain; some days worse than others.
Is one day a year too much to ask?
Ah, that was it. Now, I realized why I threw myself the pity party. This was supposed to be MY day. One day a year when it was about ME. One day a year when I was supposed to get pampered. One day, I didn't have to cook. Why couldn't I have this one day? It wasn't fair.
I found the Mother's Day card he had set aside for me. It spoke of how much he appreciated all that I have tolerated over the years. Thanking me for being patient and understanding, loving and forgiving.
I began to cry. How could I be so thoughtless? I was healthy and not in pain. I could do whatever I wanted to do and go wherever I wanted to go. I was not held back by a disability. How shallow of me.
Then I realized that is what mothers are all about. Always giving of themselves. Always putting the needs of their family first. Always being there to encourage, to help, to hold.
The best Mother's Day gift
Every day I am given the gift of life. Every day I watch my daughter and son-in-law raise their son in a way that would make any mother proud. Every day I thank God for the love we all have for one another.
It's not about me -- it is about what I can offer those who need what I have to give.