Two men in a big truck took away 50 years of memories today. Only one tear found its way down my cheek but my heart grieved in a way that was foreign to me. I had not experienced it before. A variety of memories were in that truck that will no longer be tangible. Some had been kept for no reason. Others were kept hoping it would stop the pain of loss. But tangible memories often make the pain worse, especially if you look at them every day.I no longer needed to know what grade I received in third-grade arithmetic. I suck at math now but got straight A's in Advanced Math in high school. I noted my D in Health class which made me laugh. I remember that D. It was because I forgot my notebook too many times. For the past 35 years, I have been a Certified Health Coach and it is one subject I am passionate about.
I didn't need to keep the hundreds of photographs from umpteen years that I will never look at again. The ones wanted are in albums, which I kept.
I didn't need the boxes of dishes or small kitchen appliances I never use and someone else might enjoy.
I no longer have a VCR or cassette deck but held onto dozens of tapes. Why?
As I put each crystal ornament my son had given me into a box I wanted to scream "Stop, bring them back!" But I bit my tongue and cried silently. I will never forget the moments when he gave them to me. He was so proud that he had found the perfect one for each occasion to give his mommy. I cherished them and always will. They went into a box labeled "retired" and I hope to bring them out to show his children...... when he returns to us.
After he left us six years ago, I have run through the gamut of emotions a zillion times. I no longer need to see those tangibles to remind me of how much I love him. How much he once loved us.
This does not mean that I choose to forget him or that I have given up hope. Not for one second. It only means I will not have the stabbing pain in my heart when I see those trinkets in my bathroom or bedroom.
As the men closed the door of the truck and drove away and I pivoted on my heel to go into the house, my heart pivoted as well. It is a new day. A new era. New memories will be made. I have the pictures my grandbabies recently painted for me. Those I will hang on the refrigerator and smile every time I see them. It is a new day. A new era.
Gramma Time
Is Moving As Much Fun as They Claim?
We haven't moved in 12 years and as organized as my home is, I was surprised at how much stuff I am disposing of. I keep my closets and drawers free of clutter and purge regularly. BUT it is the stuff I have kept forever stored in boxes that I took the time to sort through and toss. I was able to convert more than a dozen large boxes to two small ones. What a feeling of accomplishment.
A lot of people pack their breakables in newspapers but I pack them in paper towels which can be reused in my new kitchen. Then nothing has to be cleaned when I arrive.
With this move, I have learned not to ask my husband if he wants to keep clothes he has not worn in decades. His answer is always a resounding "YES" so THIS time, I am not asking! Will I be sorry? Maybe. Am I worried? What do you think?
One Woman - Fearless
This is my monthly Fly on the Wall post and I hope you can take time to enjoy the other blogger's posts in this challenge