Friday, June 7, 2019

Does it Drive You Crazy When You Can't Fix Something?


How would you complete this sentence?  "I am so done taking care of....?"  What immediately comes to mind?  

When asked that question, my first instinct was I want to stop trying to fix stuff.  This is extremely difficult because I am a fixer.....PERIOD.  Fixers look for problems they can solve.  When they hear someone express a dilemma, fixers' minds are searching their computer brain for an answer.  Then, to make it an even bigger challenge not only do they try to fix it but enhance it.
Winston Churchill

Fixers or rescuers cannot resist the temptation to jump in and try to fix everything.  I used to think that my dad taught me to do that because he was a minister. I observed him counseling people and helping anyone who needed it.  

However, I have recently realized that this is not why I am this way -- it is because my mom got deathly ill after I was born. I spent my youth watching her suffer.  She died when I was a teenager and I felt responsible somehow.  I couldn't fix her so now I want to fix whoever I can.  Guilt drove me to be a fixer.

helping someone

From what I understand, this is not unusual behavior and one of the basic reasons someone becomes a 'fixer.'  They could not fix something of great importance to them so they try to fix any and every problem they encounter!  BAM.  That's it.

Helping people is second nature to a fixer.  People seem to gravitate to them when they have a situation requiring help.  Fixers often choose professions such as a nurse or therapist.  As a health coach, I have helped hundreds of people who wanted optimum health and/or those who were desperate without hope.  It is my passion and I always guarantee results.
crying on your shoulder

But it does not end there.  It doesn't matter what the problem is - from a computer issue to a serious family problem - if I can't help, I will find someone who can.  It motivates me.  It drives me.  And sometimes, it is exhausting or extremely discouraging when my efforts fail.  But I never give up trying.

From the Pearl Jam song:
When something's dark, let me shed a little light on itWhen something's cold, let me put a little fire on itIf something's old, I wanna put a bit of shine on itWhen something's gone, I wanna fight to get it back again
When something's broke, I wanna put a bit of fixing on itWhen something's bored, I wanna put a little exciting on itIf something's low, I wanna put a little high on itWhen something's lost, I wanna fight to get it back again

But the original challenge was:  "I am so done taking care of....?"  And my response would  be -- "other people's problems."   But I know I will never stop.  It is in my genes, inherited and environmentally, to find a way to help.  

Helping without looking for payback

My secret subject was submitted by Tamara at The Three Gerbers

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week eight brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado                    
Wandering Web Designer             
Cognitive Script                           
The Bergham Chronicles              
Bookworm in the Kitchen                  


  1. Wow, your reflections on the fixer hit home. Guilty as charged. Down to "if I can't help myself, I'll find somebody who can" - I like to call it networking ;-)
    Do you ever encounter ungratefulness, and how do you deal with it?

    1. I think many of us are fixers-- that's part of being a mom! Networking is a good term :) I can't recall a situation of ungratefulness and I am surprised that happened to you.

  2. I am a fixer. Hell, I have to be because hubby is definitely a "breaker".

  3. I am the same as you when it comes to most things, but especially blogging. People often ask me questions and if I can't answer, I know who can. Helping really does make me smile.

    1. I know you are like that -- always ready to help - to lend a hand, a thought, and answer!

  4. I love to help others, Carol, but I've come to realize I can't always "fix" the messes they are in. Yes, that's frustrating, but I always pray for God to show them the way they need to go.

    1. That is so true -- and yes, we can only hope they will seek God in the situation.

  5. I've always helped others and I enjoy it. Helping folks move, cooking for someone, helping them out with cooking questions, does bug me when I can't fix something.

    1. Will you help me move next time? Yes, I know you love to cook, as do I. It is such a compliment when someone asks you for a recipe, isn't it?