Friday, July 8, 2016

Do You Want To Know A Secret?

Do you have secrets that you plan to take to the grave?  Are there things in your past that you want to bury and hope no one ever finds out about them?

Everyone has secrets. My mother-in-law had an undisclosed recipe for Rum Balls that she swore she would take with her when she died. And that she did.  No one ever figured out her secret ingredient.  But what good did it do for her not to share it so we could continue to enjoy her wonderful dessert?

There are secrets we hide, never discuss, and hope no one ever finds out.  We keep secrets to protect those we love or to prevent people from thinking less of us.

Sometimes we keep secrets because we would be too ashamed to admit the truth.  We may even lie to keep up the facade. "No, I never did that!"  When, in fact, we did.  After lying about it the first time, it gets easier.

Maybe we found out something about someone that could destroy them if the truth came out.  We choose to keep that knowledge to ourselves.  At times, it feels like it is burning a hole in our psyche because we want to share it -- but we don't.  Or do we? Are you someone your friends can trust to keep their secret?  Or will you reveal it if you feel it is necessary? 

Maybe we are a closet smoker or drinker who was told by our doctor that we MUST quit.   We continue to do it, hoping no one will discover the truth and we rationalize and lie to ourselves that it is only hurting us.  But when we are hiding things that can potentially hurt us, we hurt those who love us. We assume it is no one's business when, if fact, it could be totally unfair to keep such a secret to ourselves. When discovered, it could hurt the ones we care about.  

Have you ever told someone a secret and then wish you had not?  I remember sharing a secret to a therapist who told the entire group, using me as an example.  I was mortified and he had no authority to do that - but it was too late.  Sometimes, we don't share for that very reason - we cannot fully trust the person to whom we are revealing our innermost mysteries.

Or is there something we did in our past that we believe would destroy our image if anyone found out?  I certainly felt this way for a lot of years.  I struggled with writing my memoir, Battered Hope, because I knew I had to "come clean."  I had to let go of the secrets that terrified me.  I had to take a stand against the fear of losing friends and family members when they found out the truth.

So, why did I do it?  The biggest reason was that my "secrets" and how I coped with them could be a great help to someone going through something similar.  

I discovered that when I revealed the things I wanted to bury I had tremendous relief. They helped people understand why I am the way I am or why I rise to the defense of someone going through something similar.  It brought me closer to family and friends when they saw my vulnerable side.

This post is a writing challenge given to me by Dawn Gardner asking me to reveal a shocking secret about myself.  I have revealed every secret I feel safe to reveal and the rest, as they say, will go with me to the grave. Maybe some day.....but I don't think so.

How do you feel about revealing your secrets?  Do you wish you could but feel the truth may hurt someone or yourself?

And for any Beatles lovers out there:  Do You Want to Know A Secret?

Check out the other bloggers in this challenge and enjoy what they are sharing by clicking below:

Baking In A Tornado
Not That Sarah Michelle
The Bergham Chronicles
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
My Brain on Kids
Spatulas on Parade
The Lieber Family Blog

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