How Would You Cope With the Loss of a Child?

"Which character from a book would you most like to meet and why? What would you do?" This is the challenge given to me for this post.  When I read for entertainment there are two authors I read -- Harlan Coben and John Grisham. These are my favorite authors and I have read almost all of their books.

Yet, there are no characters in any of their books who I would want to meet. Consequently, this question posed a challenge.

For my talk show, Never Ever Give Up Hope, I interview at least two authors a week. The majority of these authors have written memoirs which is the basis for the interview.  I read their books, interview them and often they become friends.  I feel I have already met them.  

If you are ever having a down-in-the-dumps day and need a lift, I GUARANTEE you will be encouraged when you take a few minutes to listen to these incredible stories.  They are ordinary people who have overcome extraordinary circumstances.


But, I still had the problem of answering the question posed in the blog challenge.  Which character would I want to meet and why?

Then it hit me.  I would want to meet a character from my own memoir, Battered Hope.  And....here is why.

A year had passed since we adopted Seth. When the phone rang that day I had no reason to suspect anything unusual. My husband answered; and as I watched the expression on his face change rapidly, I did not like what I was observing. He called me over to share the receiver.

"I am getting pressure from my parents to raise my son so I am going to have to get him back.  I am prepared to hire an attorney and you know you will not win."  The words had been rehearsed and seemed too easy for her to say.  A couple sentences, that's all it was -- a couple sentences that tore our hearts apart.

"I'm afraid you don't really have a choice," our lawyer informed us. The law was clear.  If we chose to fight, there would only be more agony and great expense.  "I will set it up for you to return the child as soon as possible."

.

RETURN THE CHILD as soon as possible. I screamed on the inside. I cried on the outside. No, this can't be happening. We loved Seth. He was ours. The bottom of my world dropped out from under me. I loved him and cared for him. He was part of our family for a whole year. I could not imagine life without him. I was his mommy. How could she do this to us? How could she possibly love him like we did? What about Seth? He would be torn from his parents, his home. Surely he would feel the rejection. What path would his life take now? Nothing prepared me for the pain of relinquishing my son to someone who had not wanted him! But we had no choice. "Return the child. Give him back."

I watched from a distance as my husband handed him to her. It was in slow motion. I watched his hands leave the child as he lifted our son into her arms. He was handing our son to a stranger. I wanted to run and grab him but I was glued to the floor. I felt petrified. I thought I was either going to faint or throw up. My hand fluttered to my mouth for a moment fearing I might scream out. How could I go on? Where would I get the strength? This could not be happening. Please God -- let this only be a dream. Tomorrow I will wake up and everything will be normal again.

When someone says it feels like her heart was in her throat, that is accurate. My heart became so heavy it felt like there wasn't room in my chest cavity to hold it. The heaviness moved to my throat and even my extremities, weakening my entire body. I was fearful that my heart would implode, exploding on the inside from pressure, and yet wondered if that would bring some relief to the overwhelming state of heartbreak. My loss consumed my thoughts. Even when I was not thinking about it specifically, something would trigger a memory and the initial impact was felt once again.

I finally had the courage to go into his room after several weeks. There....right there, in the middle of the room were his tiny shoes I had forgotten to pack.  I burst into tears.  

In the months that followed, every time I saw a new baby or watched a child playing, I would cry. I could not go down the aisle in the grocery store that sold baby food without breaking down. Every time the telephone rang, I was hoping it was that 'woman' saying she had changed her mind. Days turned into weeks, then months........ then years. That was over forty years ago. I’ll never forget our little boy and I still have those tiny shoes.

How wonderful it would be to meet him as a grown man, after all these years.

This post has been a blogging challenge for two different groups.  The first prompt was for Bar-A-Thon which is a seven-day writing challenge.  The prompts have been stimulating and fun. Today, I was to use the words "tiny shoes."

The second group is Secret Subject Swap where a fellow blogger picked a secret subject for someone else to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.  My subject was "Which character from a book would you like to meet and why?"  It was submitted to me by Dinosaur Superhero Mommy.

Thank you for reading and I hope you will have a chance to check out the other bloggers as well.

Baking In A Tornado
The Bergham Chronicles
Spatulas on Parade
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver
Southern Belle Charm
Confessions of a Part-time Working Mom
Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

The Lieber Family BlogWhen I Grow Up
Climaxed
Evil Joy Speaks

Photos courtesy of rappler.com, ikozobaby.com, unplannepregnancyandadoption.com