How do you feel about people who lie to you? I don't mean the big lies -- just those tiny ones that don't really seem to matter. Or do they? Saying things we really do not mean is often more of a habit than an intention to hurt someone.
"I'll be in touch." If I tell someone I am going to stay in contact with them, I make a note of it right then and there. Sometimes it means sending them a quick email to see when we can get together or to see what's new in their lives. Making a friendly gesture is only the first step. Keeping in touch is quite another.
I have heard those words so often and then wonder why they never call. Did they forget? Do they not care? It reminds me of the phrase from the second (or first) date "I'll call you." You know they don't have the slightest intention of calling so WHY waste breath by saying they will? Is it to appease the listener at the moment? It is just as easy to say "Goodbye" as it is to say you will be in touch.
"Call me if you need me." For most of us, it is not easy to ask for help. But if you need it, it is nice to know there is someone you can call. If they don't return the call, I can try again and if that fails, believe me, it is quite safe to assume that person is avoiding me. Let it go.
"You look great!" Didn't wash my hair in a couple days, ran to the grocery store sans makeup. Come on, are you blind? Say nothing -- let me wonder if I look good or not. I think people often say that to us as we age and then later they say, "She/he sure looks good," as they look at them in the coffin.
"Our thoughts and prayers are with you." When this is genuine, it is sincerely appreciated but.....how often is it? Talked to my girlfriend about this one the other day and she agrees that if we say that to someone, pray for them right then and there. If someone bears their soul to me, they need to know I will follow through and encourage them. I will make every effort to call them, stay in touch, pray with them over the phone and do whatever it takes to make them realize they are not alone and I really did mean those words.
I know many people, including myself, who have gone through unbelievable circumstances with their heads held high. My attitude is a choice and I can choose to put on a happy front and meet challenges head-on -- but deep down I may be worried out of my skull.
I am fully aware that worry accomplishes little to nothing and that 95% of what we worry about never happens. But it is like a slap in the face for anyone to tell me to be happy - when I may be in the middle of a crisis. That does not mean that I have to be miserable while I am processing whatever is going on. Does that make sense?
This is the image I prefer to portray -- no one needs to know I am worrying......
Have I become calloused or am I not as naive anymore? I was taught and also taught my children to be a person of their word. If I say I am going to do something, gosh dang it -- I do it. If for some reason I can't, then I let that person know - I face it. Much easier in the long run.
Do you agree? Do you know of other things we say that we really don't mean?
.Its a perspective. Me I focus on doing my best and not worrying about what others say.People rarely mean what they say.You are not jaded .Just practical.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that but the post was basically a bit of humor - wasn't meant to be serious.
ReplyDeleteThis post really resonates with me! I also pray immediately if I say I will pray for someone, because I know if I don't, I will forget and then, feel guilty later. And I also only say yes if I am sure I can or will do it. I agree it is important to mean what you say.
ReplyDeleteOh Jeanine - you GET it. Thank you.
DeleteOne of the all time questions we ask others is, "How are you?" We fully expect the response to be "fine," but what if that person chooses to be truly honest, and dumps their problem(s) on us. Are will willing to listen, to be a real friend? I do like what you brought up here, Carol, especially about dropping everything and praying right then and there for someone if they need it.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
I usually try to give an off the wall response to the question "How are you?" It shocks people but gives them a laugh or if I have had a terrible day I tell them - they don't expect that either.
DeleteI'm a serious girl. I mean what I say. But I don't take things seriously when people say, I'll call you, etc. That's learning from experience. :-) I believe it cutting out the crap.It's such a waste of time playing games.
ReplyDeleteI am with you 100%. As my father taught me "Say what you mean and mean what you say."
DeleteOh bless your heart ... I think that it's rare that people say nice things with the intention of really being mean. 😉 But really, you make a great point about the importance of follow through in maintaining personal connections. Thank you for sharing this perspective.
ReplyDeleteRena
www.finewhateverblog.com
It usually shocks people. This is what I taught my children and it has served them well.
DeleteI can agree! It's it funny how we have chosen phrases we say when we don't know what to say? I particularly do not like "you're in my thoughts and prayers." I prefer to say: "I prayed for this and this for you today." If someone said that to me, I would know they were not only sincere, but took time to pray for specific needs for me.
ReplyDeleteIf I feel a burden for someone and pray for them, I will call them and let them know. It is always what they needed to hear and are shocked that I was thinking of them. It's just a little thing but it is also huge.
DeleteI've always wondered if people really care when the asking something a question or is it just out of habit.
ReplyDeleteI think it is usually out of habit. I try not to respond like someone expects me to and it opens up a conversation.
DeleteI've always hated when someone tells me to smile when I don't feel like it. Or to not take something seriously when it's something I'm concerned about. To me, that's disingenuous and worse than an auto response that is meaningless.
ReplyDeleteYou preach it! I agree 1000%. That is why I often prepare answers when someone is that insensitive.
ReplyDelete