Wednesday, March 9, 2016

BEWARE - Email Warnings

THANK YOU, yes each and every one of you who have sent me educational emails over the past few months.  I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.

Newly Acquired Fears

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

chain letter warning

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.  And what about bedbugs?

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

Special thanks to....

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.  In addition, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Special thanks to all of you who told me that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

Thank you for your concerns

Because of your concerns, I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I can no longer use plastic wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it could blow up in my face.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by a poisonous spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 127,000 people in the next 10 minutes a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 110 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.  I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex mother-in-law's second husbands' cousin's best friend's beautician.

Oh, and by the way... a German scientist from Argentina has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.  Don't bother taking it off now, it is too late.

P.S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 feet out of the toilet.

Now you have yourself a VERY GOOD DAY.

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