Newly Acquired Fears
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. And what about bedbugs?
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.
Special thanks to....I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. In addition, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Special thanks to all of you who told me that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Thank you for your concerns
Because of your concerns, I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I can no longer use plastic wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it could blow up in my face.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by a poisonous spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 127,000 people in the next 10 minutes a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 110 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex mother-in-law's second husbands' cousin's best friend's beautician.
Oh, and by the way... a German scientist from Argentina has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it is too late.
P.S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 feet out of the toilet.
Now you have yourself a VERY GOOD DAY.