When we went for our walk today, you YAWNED. I couldn't believe it. Walking was always your favorite pastime. I looked at you and realized you were tired - aging and BONE tired. It was hot outside and you wanted the coolness of your room.
You were in your bed, looking scared. When you saw me you got up, but immediately fell down again. You got up again and this time, as you walked, you faltered. You tried to walk into the kitchen but you could only walk sideways. I was scared too. Was it time? Were you going to say good-bye to me now?
It was Friday and your dad and I decided to see how you would fair through the weekend. By the time Monday rolled around, you were doing considerably better. In fact, you were walking straight, but slower. Sometimes, you stopped quickly and just stood there. You did not appear to be in pain or discomfort, just a bit confused.
That was about six months ago and I look at you now and see how you have aged. I believe you had a stroke that Friday. I will never know. I only know that your time is soon and my heart breaks a little more each day when I think about it.
When I come home from work, you do not greet me at the door. It is not for lack of interest, it is for lack of hearing. I realize you can no longer hear the door open. I have to shout to call you from another room. If I need your attention, I now gently tap your shoulder.
This month you celebrated your 14th birthday and I am not ready to say good-bye to you yet. I am confident you will let me know when it is time to go especially if you are hurting. Right now, I believe you are just old and tired. Some days, I know how that feels. Although I'm not 98 yet -- as you are in dog years!
I will not cry my tears yet. I will not talk about what you used to be like. I will leave that for another day. Today, I will share what you are like now. How much I love you now. How much I want to be close to you now. How much I love to cuddle you now more than ever. How precious, sweet and gentle you are now and always have been.
Love you to the moon and back,
Your Human Mommy